It seems that every season at the Corvallis Sports Park there is that one team in the Intermediate and Recreational leagues that is disgustingly better than the rest of the league. Sometimes the entire team is generally out of place in the lower leagues or other times there just one or two players that dominate the entire game all by themselves.

The situation might have been funny when Billy Madison played dodge ball with his first grade classroom or when Carlos played against the Benchwarmers.

Carlos the Baseball Stud

Otherwise watching a twenty-something year old sprinting by a mother of three in her forties to blast a shot past a man who bought his first pair of soccer shoes that evening is sickening. I always have to restrain myself from throwing my beer at him from the balcony while he celebrates his goal.

This is a true story. Several years ago when I worked at the Corvallis Sports Park I watched a youthful looking man doing very well in the Over-40 League. He said he did not have ID on him so I asked him how old he was. He looked me in the eye and said he was 40. I couldn't believe that someone would lie about such a thing so I allowed him to play. Later, Blake saw his name and pointed out that he had coached him in club and at Crescent Valley High School. The player was just twenty-four. How pathetic is that?

This has been going on for a long time but it seems to have reached a new level lately. The Sports Park recently emailed its members about possible solutions it is considering:

Once a team in the recreational leagues or the intermediate leagues is ahead by four goals or more they must pull a player from the field until the goal differential is less than four goals. If it is a coed league it must be a male player.

I don't really like this one. Removing players from the field means less people are participating. Instead I would like to see an extra player for the loosing team. People paying money to play should be allowed to play more rather than less.

In all recreational leagues and intermediate leagues a male player can only score 3 goals per game. Any goals scored after the third one will be called back.

This isn't a bad idea, but it does not really deter Kobe Bryant wannabes from continuing to score. It just gets called back. The opposing team still feels dominated.

At the end of the season referees and CSP management will vote on one team from each league to receive the sportsmanship award in all of the recreational and intermediate divisions. They will be rewarded with team gift certificates and T-Shirts.

When you are blasting goals past grampa like its the last game you will ever play, you probably aren't worrying too much about the sportsmanship award unless saying "nice try old man" earns you points. The Sports Park hasnt implemented any changes yet and I don't know if they will.

Originally the CSP leagues were called Premier, Division 1, Division 2, Division 3 and so on. In an effort to describe the level of play at each league the Sports Park adopted the Premier, Competitive, Intermediate and Recreational naming convention. The idea behind the change was good but I don't think it was descriptive enough. One could argue that they are an intermediate compared to Pele or that there is nothing implied about the quality of play for recreational.

I have a solution. The Intermediate and Recreational league names are too confusing. They should be renamed to the Crap-Fat-Old and Extremely-Crap-Fat-Old leagues respectively. If you do not describe yourself as crap, fat or old then you do not belong in these leagues. OK, so maybe these names are not quite proper. But I think something needs to be done to make good players ashamed for competing against people that do not take pride in their soccer playing skill. If you are under thirty, have played club or high school soccer and you are playing in an Intermediate or Recreational league you need to evaluate why you are there.

Going undefeated is NOT an achievement unless you are playing in the highest league available to you. What challenge have you overcome? How are you improving? The American Heritage Dictionary describes a bully as a person who is cruel or overbearing to smaller or weaker people. Doesn't dominating a lower tier league seem to qualify? Here is a list of teams have recently achieved the perfect season in a lower tier league. Wee, that must be as fun as mugging an old lady.

Congratulations to the Corvallis Sports Bullies:

Hypnotic (8-0)
Goals Scored: 73, Goals Against: 45
Coed Division

Booyah (8-0)
Goals Scored: 50, Goals Against: 20
Coed Recreational

Wondercups (8-0)
Goals Scored: 86, Goals Against: 24, Average Margin: 8 goals!
Mens Intermediate

These teams are currently playing and are ever so near to achieving the notorious precious perfect season!

FC Willamette ANGSTGEGNER (5-0)
Goals Scored: 44, Goals Against: 16
Mens Intermediate

Goonie Birds (4-0)
Goals Scored: 17, Goals Against: 2 (WOW!)
Coed Recreational

Phat Penguins (4-0)
Goals Scored: 23, Goals Against: 11
Coed Recreational

These teams need to strongly considder playing against quality players like themselves in the upper leagues. The wins may not come as regularly but every goal and victory is much more rewarding.